Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Recovery, Month 1: Symptoms and Daily Life

There is no treatment for MTBI.  My doctors told me to rest my brain for a month and wait for the symptoms to ease.

How do you rest a brain?  Don't give it anything to do.  That means no working, no reading, no thinking, and minimal stimulus.  For me, that meant being alone in a quiet house, usually laying in bed or sitting on the couch, sleeping up to 15 hours a day.  It sounds easy enough, but it's not a natural state.  Our brains are meant to be used, but mine was out of order.

The physical symptoms continued.  I had a constant headache and nausea that got much worse if I tried to use my brain, or if I had to ride in a car.  If I moved my head too quickly, I'd lose my vision and nearly pass out.  Noises, including conversations, could easily overwhelm me and cause my brain to stop processing information.  The confusion and fatigue did improve, thanks to the Adderall my neurologist prescribed.  My speech was still not fluid, and the struggle to communicate wore me out. 

To keep my sanity, I did read a little or watch some TV.  I discovered that I had the reading comprehension of a 9 year old, and that I couldn't maintain concentration to read anything longer than a newspaper article.  I could only watch TV shows that had simple, predictable formats, and that didn't require remembering a previous episode.  Movies were too difficult for me...I missed a lot of the dialog and most of the nuances of the plot. 

Social networking was too difficult to navigate.  I could read status updates on Facebook, but I was never really sure I understood what people were saying.  I didn't dare post or reply, because I couldn't trust that my responses were appropriate.  I did manage to update my status after a few weeks.  That simple post took an hour to write. 

I kept a running list on a steno pad to remind me of the things I needed to do:  fill out insurance forms, schedule appointments, pay bills, and any other tasks.  Each day, I would review the list and figure out what the priority was, and try to accomplish that task.  Then I'd write down the date I completed it, and any notes about it.  Otherwise, I couldn't remember any of it.

In spite of my obvious limitations, I was hopeful that by the end of a month I'd be back to normal and ready to return to work.  I contacted my boss and my case manager to try to get a transition plan in place to resume working.  I didn't understand that I was still profoundly impaired and in no shape to do my job.  Thankfully, my case manager understood the situation and helped me recognize that I couldn't come back yet. 

I rested and waited for my brain to start working normally.

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